ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh can i not just be a jumbled mess of emotionz
My parents are going to Brussels for like a few days, and asked for my opinion on what they should do. And I remembered years ago I wrote an email to some randomass dude who i kissed ONCE and who a year later asked me what he should do in brussels for a week, and my answer amuses me so I’m going to post it. Anything in bold is my current response to this letter
Ahhhh Brussels for a week? Awesome, wish I could be there, so envious.
Hmmm. Definitely go to the Grand place. You can get there by the Metro and stopping of at De Broukere….and then asking around to get to it. There, you will find a MULTITUDE of waffle stores. And they are delicious. Life changing waffle.
Bars arouuund the grand place are pretty expensive, but there’s one where all the exchange students go to called Delirium. It’s next to Jannekin Pis [a statue of a little girl peeing…] aaannd an Irish/scottish bar called Celtica that has a dance club type place above it. These are still kinda pricey, but luckily finding a bar in belgium isn’t that hard. They seem to be everywhere.
Definitely check out all the parks in belgium, because they are gorgeous. The best one is near Gare Centrale..I think it’s the Royal Parc or something.
Hmmm where else…Well, near De Broukere….there are some great chocolate stores…one called Leonidas. All the tourists go there for their chocolate addiction. It is definitely worth it.
On the metro again, if you stop at….Montgomery I think, you can get to the Belgium Arc de triumph. I think it’s at Montgomery. if you go through the museum, you can go to the top for a big lookout of the town, but it’s not really that exciting…but the building is pretty gorgeous, has some nice statues.
oh oh, haha, definitely make sure to notice that theres a metro stop called kunst wet. because that’s just amusing as hell. (This is TRUE, but kaaaaateeeeeeee, you are talking to a dude you met and kissed with onceeee IS this the time for cunt jokes??? Oh wait. PROBABLY.)
If you get a chance to go anywhere else in belgium, I so suggest taking the train to Brugges. it is GORGEOUS there….The entire city is beautiful and I think on…saturdays or sundays they have some really nice markets.
Oh, so you have to check out Mannkein Pis…and its near the grand place SOMEWHERE…but i never seem to find it. Follow the crowd of tourists I guess. Mannekin Pis = statue of little boy peeing. Belgians…are weird. (Sometimes it pees beer. During the beer festivals. And they dress it up in outfits on special days. Obviously)
Touristy stuff wise, the grand place is surrounded by shops…and gare centrale [central station for the trains, you can get there by metro as well] always has people selling relatively inexpensive things.
Okay, I caann’t think of anything else that’s so great to see. Expect rain, pack an umbrella. Order Chimay beer or Kriek!! OHHHH get a Durum! At the side stores, they have these pita things and they are AMAZING. Dorum’s or something. They look like gyros…Oh they are fucking delicious….
Okay okay okay, tell me how ti goes!! take a lot of pictures….because I kinda miss Belgium
Have a greaaaattt trip!
Did you finish school well??
UGH it’s going to be RAINING on thursday, all my PLANS for date-wear are RUINED. I have to wear PANTS?!? and sensible shoes?!?
It’s me in my TNG outfit that I made
Trying to remember there is a part of myself that is a big ol’ doofy goof underneath all the unending sadness and anger and resentment.
Should I show up to the date in this???
(PS I am going to do a “WHAT SHOULD I WEAR” post soon with photos and i would much appreciate help in the what should i actually wear. I am not wearing tng outfit. Probs.)
re: last nights posts
I had EMOTIONS and had to talk about them, sorry it got so wordy and over the topppppppp. I was kind of feeling hysterical and panicking and when I laid down to go to bed I just laid there thinking of everything that could go wrong today and didn’t get to sleep forever because of the nonstop panic thoughts. (Next time, maybe I should just list countries of the world)
anyways, I’m feeling better, sorry for the wordvomit, i’m leaving it up cuz of not having a diary for 2 yrs and i want to remember this moment for whenever i feel like copying tumblr entries into my diary (if i ever get it back) (it was a giant word document on my computer that had all my diary entries going back to when i was 10 or 11 and when my computer died, i lost it. might be getting the computer back tho).
I just have this unending WANT in my stomach and nothing ever fills it and I just want and want and want and I get so very fucking little to fill that want and it’s not enough and then I just hate everyone who is happy and who is fulfilled and who has money and who can live life without crying on the bus or in the bathroom or at work or alone in the dark
This is all v melodramatic and sad and whatever, I’m just having an awful night and tomorrow is more of the same an the next day is more of the same and then i get to go on a date?
and all i can think of is how much i want to talk to my best friend about how awful i feel but i’m also like dying all the time so the whole not talking thing is good but not good and whatever
Also today the nice coworker asked me if I knew what “classical conditioning” was and yesterday a coworker asked me about how to define “bourgeoisie” and
I just wanted to throw up. I have nothing. Why bother caring or thinking about things like that. It doesn’t matter. I feel like such a fucking failure all the fucking time, and I just…
I couldn’t even remember what classical conditioning was for a minute but who cares because this is my life now and nothing matters.
So that was the most stressful fucking day. I trained for 2 hours on fucking selfcheckout and then had to run it myself during fucking shitstorm of people and then someone threw water all over the floor and there were problems I didn’t know how to fix and my coworker kept asking me where to put something and i was just fucking about to lose it and just start bawling
but anyways my other coworker was really helpful and kept telling me I was doing okay and during the time when I just couldn’t stop apologizing and I think my eyebrows were probably skyhigh and I was probably 2 seconds away from crying and in retrospect I may have just been flat out panicking, anyways I kept apologizing and I dunno, he just said “No, no, honey, it’s okay” and I
I think I’ve just felt so fucking starved for love and so starved for care this past year. I lost my main source of love and all of it is tainted by feeling lied to and betrayed and my parents are just a fucking mixed bag and my mom’s default is Shaming Kate and sometimes I just feel so alone and so sad and I just miss feeling loved and I know i KNOW that this wasn’t a love thing, and i”M not saying that, it was just…I just felt so really touched by that tiny moment because I was having such a rough time and I just needed to hear something like that. It was feeling cared about.
anyways at the end of the night he told me I did a good job (hah.) and that I did better than another employee who works self checkout alll the time and that he was going to go talk to bosses about how I did a good job and that he was going to be working tomorrow so if things were rough I could get help from him and like
it was just really nice and he’s a nice guy and later when I looked at my face in the mirror it was just this awful awful fear and scared and sad face and I
i just hate everything so much.